We tend to think of advice as a more experienced person telling us what we should do, what the other person would do in our shoes. But each of us has a different set of skills, experiences, privilege, health, wealth, environment, core values, and principles that shape what is possible and what feels possible to us at any given time.
And so the best advice is generally not prescriptive. Rather it’s a short collection of words summing up some wisdom or lesson that its giver has gained through their life’s experiences and interactions. It’s not meant to tell you what to do but to help you craft and use a framework for your life. With that view of “advice”, direction doesn’t need to come from someone you know speaking specifically to the details of your circumstances at this moment. We can find it all around us, in reading, in listening, in sharing—if we leave ourselves open to it.
Here are a few pieces of guidance that have helped me navigate life or shift my perspective in meaningful ways.
For the person starting their career: Your first/next job will not be your last job. (From my former PhD advisor, Larry Marnett)
For relationships: Boundaries can be love. (Prentis Hemphill in Holding Change)
For performance: Stress + rest = growth. (Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness in Peak Performance, also preached by David Roche)
You need both something that challenges you (the workout, the big project, the new audience) and the space to integrate, process, and recover to make the most of your mind’s and/or body’s response to that challenge.
For life: A little goes a long way. (The precise phrase is one used frequently in Yoga with Adriene, but this is a piece of ‘advice’ that has come from many in my life.)
It’s easy to give ourselves an out. “I don’t have an hour for what’s on the plan, so what’s the point?”
Compounding gains. Consistency. Habit that becomes practice. Most parts of our lives aren’t all-or-nothing. Smaller daily or weekly practices may, in fact, deliver greater gains than an infrequent intensive session. Yoga, saving money, cleaning… A little now is better than none, and it will probably make it easier to show up for it again tomorrow or next week.
For advice: Take what you need and leave the rest. (Also many sources)
What you need isn’t what validates your perspective, but it’s what you need to hear. But not every piece of counsel is going to fit the shape of your life. Or maybe you’re not ready to hear it at this time. That doesn’t make it bad advice. It just might not be the advice you can act on right now. And it applies to the wisdom you build for yourself as much as that you gather from others. You are a different person living a different life than you were 10 years ago or even yesterday. What served you well then may no longer serve you today.
Ever on & on 