There’s a genre of post that many modern day thinkers/writers, taking the form of N lessons for my Nth birthday. Quick hits, bon mots to celebrate another cycle around the sun and the wisdom gained over a lifetime.

Maybe because my birthday recently passed and I stumbled into some introspection, I found myself thinking about this genre lately. Who’s it for? Who’s reading it? And more, who’s changing their lives because of one of a couple of dozen witticisms?

I recall seeing one some months ago that was posted by someone in their early 30s. My early 30-something self was in the thick of axis-tilting life changes. Ending a 10-year marriage. Starting a new relationship. Embarking in a different direction of my career. I didn’t have the confidence of knowing what I was doing in my own life, let alone to advise anyone else.

A decade later, I’m more comfortable with myself, even through challenges and shifts. And yet I still wouldn’t find ease in distilling what I think I’ve learned into a list of lessons to share with the world. Maybe because so many norms have been upended in this world. Perhaps because I find myself failing to heed my own advice.

But ultimately I know: That’s not how we learn. I wish I could save someone the effort and pain of building that knowledge that eventually finds it home deep in your bones. But the learning is in the process. It’s in the effort. It’s in the frustration, the exhaustion, and yes, in the pain. But it’s also in the confidence and energy and joy it brings.

That’s not to say we have to do this alone. We can learn in community, gain from the collective wisdom of those near and afar. That’s why we read, why we seek advice, why we engage in dialogue with trusted friends and mentors about challenges that lay before us.

It just doesn’t arrive in a bolus of aphorisms. Of course, these posts have their audience. Maybe the collections of lessons offer insights to some. Maybe they’re a byproduct of reflection, written for the writer and merely shared with the world.

Ultimately quips can be easy-to-recall signals to draw our attention, but they’re not the anchors. We all have to find our own way, in our world, in our own time.