Getting what you need

A partial response to an open thread, this post originally appeared on September 19, 2009 at my old Blogger home. (Holy rat balls, who’d have thought Blogger could have gotten worse? But it did.) Bear = my PhD adviser; PSU = pretty Southern university where I did my PhD. I’ve also added a few more thoughts from an older (and hopefully wiser) Belle.

Last weekend I got together with former member of Bear’s lab (we’ll call him Forte) who was in town for a meeting. Forte was a senior grad student in the lab when I joined, and he taught me a lot about the techniques used in our lab, the system we were studying, and the politics of the lab. He finished up a little less than a year after I joined. It had been a couple of years since I’d seen Forte or talked with him much, sometime before I finished my dissertation.

Part of our recent conversation revolved around the education we received at PSU and what we learned from Bear. At one point, Forte commented that when he left grad school, he thought he didn’t get a great education there–sure, he learned stuff, he got his Ph.D., but it just didn’t seem like much… until he went somewhere else and realized the breadth and depth of his training compared with colleagues from other institutions. We also talked about the similar experiences we had as we left PSU: We were pissed with Bear. We were so ready to be gone. We questioned what we had learned from him. We just wanted to get out manuscripts out and get on with our lives. Then, a few months after we left, we realized that we had actually learned a lot from him and why he did some of the things that pissed us off so much.

Trainees (myself included) become very upset when there is a lack (sometimes perceived, sometimes real) of formal, structured mentoring. Our PIs becomes enamored with the newest shiny object or cool project or sexy data, and we feel ignored and neglected. Sometimes we’re just left completely alone for weeks or months at a time. Our PIs only communicate to get slides or figures or data or whatever for a talk or grant or paper. As a trainee, you essentially have two options: (A) Decide that your PI is out of touch, that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and ignore everything he does… or view it only as the antithesis of what should be done. (B) Realize that he’s been pretty damned successful up to this point and start paying attention.

I chose option B. That’s not to say I didn’t do my share of bitching and commiserating with fellow grad students. But I also paid attention to how Bear ran things. When he made suggestions or recommendations, I listened. By doing this (I realized after some time, distance, and reflection), I learned some incredibly important things from Bear. I learned how to write manuscripts, how to put together a clear, concise presentation of data. I learned a lot about grants–writing, submission, review processes. I learned that I should keep up to date with what’s being published, not just in my field of study but in other fields as well, and with what’s going on in science policy and funding. And a hell of a lot more. But in the end, the most important things I learned from Bear… he never actually taught me. He showed me, even if he didn’t know I was watching.

——–

More thoughts in 2013 after more experience and tales from other trainees

Mentoring takes on many, many different forms. I’ve learned that many PIs don’t actively involve their trainees in developing and writing grants, but Bear did, and that was an incredibly invaluable experience. He could be “difficult” and push me, but he treated everyone with respect. Sometimes there appeared to be disparities between how hard and in what ways he pushed different people, but then I realized that part of that was adaptation to personalities – knowing, when pushed in a certain way, who would shut down and who would respond with action. And Bear has continued to be a great mentor to me since I left his lab. The mentoring is different, in a way more supportive in terms of saying, “This is a tough path. You’ve had some difficult experiences. It doesn’t mean you don’t belong. I had my struggles & doubts in my early days too.”

My current postdoc adviser is also a good mentor, but in completely different ways. He knows that we’re working on hard problems with systems that are sometimes not terribly cooperative. The entire lab is an older cohort (30+), and we’ve each experienced major life events during our time there. He’s kind of a cheerleader for the lab. He encourages steady progress while insisting we take time to take care of our lives outside the lab. He tinkers heavily with papers. He’s always around & spends way more time talking with us about data, plans for experiments, department/institutional politics, general issues in science, and random NYT articles. He gives us reign over collaborations, after initial setup. He brings us into more of the management (in part, because there are no admins to handle most of this, and in part, because he sees this as part of the job).

Somtimes there’s a clash of styles – what I need vs. what my mentor provides, or how he provides it. With my postdoc mentor, I’ve learned to sometimes ask for what I need or change the style of interaction to get it. For example, I give him PDFs of my writing so that he’ll give me feedback rather than re-writes. I refer to it as “managing up”. He takes it in good spirits and attempts to adapt, where appropriate.

But still it’s not quite enough. There are areas that need more work. I’ve had the excellent fortune to find some of this among the science blogosphere and Twitterverse. I’ve made connections with people in very different sectors. I’m working to establish and nurture more connections in my local scientific community, as well.

In the end, mentoring takes more than a mentor. It takes many mentors and many forms.

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Supply & demand of mentoring – An open thread

My post on gender in academia was reposted at CENtral Science this week, and an interesting discussion was sparked in the comments & continued on Twitter.

Are women in science getting less mentoring than our male colleagues? Or do women need/want more mentoring?

Go check out the comments.

There was another response on Twitter today:

On one level, I think there’s some truth – maybe not so much related to time spent writing grants, but that both men and women feel that they’re not getting the mentoring they need. Indeed this was a theme in a recent ASBMB survey. But this sparks a number of questions in my mind.

Are trainees really getting less mentoring? Or, is there more awareness of the need for mentoring?

Is there a disparity between the formal mentoring we’re getting and what we think we need? Are we getting some of the mentoring without realizing it in the moment?

Have mentoring needs changed over the last few decades?

Should we be looking beyond our “traditional” mentors (e.g. direct supervisors or committee members)? (On this point, I say unequivocally, yes.)

Are we seeking out the mentoring we need, or do we expect it to come to us? We have some responsibility of taking charge of our mentoring. This is my career, after all, and no one has a more vested interest in it than me. So, as a mentee, how do I manage mentoring?

How do we shift the culture of science to more broadly value the importance of mentoring (not just for academic, but for all, career tracks)? Or are we already there?

There are dozens of questions, many more answers. This is an open thread of mentoring. Have at it.

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Flexibility: More than a women’s issue

Last night, Pub-Style Science (formerly Isis vs Tomasson) had, by all accounts, a very stimulating discussion about being a #scimom. Although I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet, it sparked a flurry of Twitter & blogging activity in my feeds (e.g. from PLS & Drugmonkey). Dr24Hours had a post on the work-life “balance” and its importance to all scientists, not just those with kids, which set off another deluge of tweets. This is the context under which I return to one of the action points of A Chemical Imbalance.

Create a workplace that supports everyone and allows for flexibility

When I posted my take on the action points, I commented, “This doesn’t focus on family or on women, and I think it’s all the more important for that reason.” With some of the responses to #scimom floating today, it seems an opportune time for a brief explication.

Inevitably flexibility comes up as a solution to family issues and the “leaky pipeline”. I have no doubt that there are special, additional considerations when childbirth and childcare come into play. But when it comes to the discussion of schedule flexibility, I think we need to stop making it about family. I think making it about family can be to the detriment of parents, but also can be to the detriment of the childless.

Focusing a supportive & flexible work environment on those with children creates a divide – an “us vs. them” scenario (from either side of the issue). It frames the issue as if there are different work expectations for the two groups, when in reality, I don’t think there are. Productivity is measured by the same ruler, but there might be the perception in the moment that different burdens are placed on parents vs. non-parents and that there is animosity of the childless toward parents. It calls attention to parents & casts the approach as a “special privilege”, even though it likely confers no real advantage with regard to research.

The flip side is that we need to acknowledge that there are many reasons why someone might need flexibility. Off the top of my head:

  • elder care
  • substance abuse/rehab
  • care for an ill partner
  • depression or other mental illness
  • chronic illness or injury
  • coping with trauma or major life events

We don’t talk often talk about these things and how they might necessitate support & flexibility. Maybe that’s because they’re less prevalent. In some cases, though, there’s a fear of stigmatization – and just a general sense of “it’s none of your business”. My body, my mind, my relationships – those are mine. I should get to decide with whom I share what. Those should be decisions based on trust and connection, not a sense of obligation to explain why I need to adjust my schedule.

But you don’t need to have some challenge plopped in the middle of your life to benefit – both professionally & personally – from a little extra flexibility. Some folks work better in intense bursts, others at a steady, more moderated pace. And I firmly believe that people perform better at their jobs when they have the time & freedom to do things outside work. As Dr24Hours noted, “no-work” hours matter for everyone.

A supportive, flexible workplace is not a thing for women. It’s not a thing for families. It’s a thing for human beings and our messy, messy lives.

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Owning your emotions (Or why it’s OK to be a “mess” sometimes)

Last night, I caught part of an episode of Big Bang Theory. It’s not a show I typically watch. In this episode, one character (Leonard) gets irritated with his neurotic roommate (Sheldon) for revealing a big Harry Potter spoiler, which turns into a bigger argument. During the course of it, Sheldon tells Leonard he’s been whiny lately and proceeds to hypothesize it’s because Leonard started drinking soy milk, and soy is estrogenic. In other words, Sheldon tells Leonard he’s being an emotional, whiny girl.

This is probably representative of why I’ve never gotten into the show. But I think it’s also sadly emblematic of how we’ve been socialized to view women & our emotions.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve gotten the idea that it’s somehow inappropriate to be angry or upset. That our responses are overly emotional. That we blow things out of proportion.

We can end up internalizing those perceptions.

“I know I’m probably being overly dramatic.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a basket case.”

“I am such a mess. I need to get myself together.”

We belittle our own reactions. At least I know I have.

But here’s the thing: Sometimes the drama is real. Sometimes our reactions are in perfect proportion. We may be “emotional”, but sometimes we have very damn good reasons to be. Sometimes our anger is well placed, our distress justified. Yet we tell ourselves and others that we shouldn’t be feeling this way.

Fuck that noise.

I spent a while in a relentless cycle of admonishing myself and dictating how I should be feeling. I would get angry or upset. I didn’t like those feelings, so I thought they shouldn’t be there. I’d feel guilty for feeling those things. I’d tell myself I was making more out of it than I should. I isolated myself, because those were things I shouldn’t be feeling and shouldn’t be inflicting on someone else.

Finally someone got through that haze (or maybe it was just my thick skull). I realized that those “bad” feelings didn’t come out of nowhere. Shit had happened. I had good reasons to be angry. To feel hurt. To grieve. These weren’t ridiculous emotions or stupid reactions. They were my responses to difficult things in my life.

I understand it better now. I get to feel what I’m feeling. I try not to assign connotations or apologies or diminutions. I take possession of those emotions. I check them against what I’m experiencing. And then I get to decide what I want to do with it. Maybe I need to just let it go. Maybe I need to allow myself a few hours of “self-pity”. Maybe I need a good cry. May I can use it to somehow take a step forward, to grow, to heal.

Sometimes I am a mess. Sometimes I am an emotional girl. And I’m learning, that sometimes, that’s exactly what I need to be.

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A Chemical Imbalance: Gender and Chemistry in Academia

As an undergrad preparing for med school, I fell in love with chemistry, thanks in large part to a quirky gen chem professor. He convinced me that a biochem major would be great for pre-med. That department became my home for 3 years. It was fantastic, and I found my true interest in science. And I never felt that there was anything unusual about being a woman pursuing chemistry. In grad school, that changed.

I’ve often wondered what flipped the switch. Perhaps the first clue was the fellowship offer that had the goal of increasing representation of women and minorities in the field. That initiated higher awareness of the disparities in my field, which expanded as I talked to peers and just took a look around.  There were several women in my grad school class (going through the group in my head, 10 years later, I think we were pushing 40%). But at the time, there was one woman on tenure-track in the department. Another joined the department after my first year. Scanning through the faculty listings today, my undergrad department (undergrad focus with M.S. and small Ph.D. programs) is more than 25% women; my grad program looks to be around 10-15%.

My Ph.D. department is fairly representative of the faculty breakdown in physical sciences, according to the most recent NSF data. Life sciences perform better, with about 30% female faculty. Across disciplines, it’s not just that there are far fewer female faculty, but they earn less than their male colleagues. This phenomenon is not restricted to the US. A Chemical Imbalance is a short documentary and e-book looking at the history of female chemists at the University of Edinburgh. In the UK, less than 10% of STEM faculty are women. The Department of Chemistry at Edinburgh boasts 25%.

The film, less than 15 minutes long, looks at the milestones of the department’s female faculty. It also takes a brief look at the two big questions: Why do numbers of women in the faculty ranks remain low (and drop off further at upper levels), and what should be done to change the landscape? The creators provide four action points for a start. Here’s why I think they matter.

Monitor our numbers.

Paying attention to the numbers is not about establishing quotas. It’s about removing a perception bias. The issue of gender parity in STEM receives a great deal of attention. Many institutions respond, in part, by saying, “Hey, look at all these great female faculty we have here!” I think this gives many individuals the idea that there are far more female faculty than there actually are.

Periodically, for one reason or another, my boss and I will end up on the topic of gender bias in science. My boss is very supportive of women in science, but inevitably he asks the question, “Do you really think that gender bias is still a problem?” I always respond with an unequivocal “yes”. Recently he responded, “But what about department at [Top Research U]? And I’m sure that our [molecular department] must be getting close to 50%.” I crunched the numbers. The department is almost perfectly average: 28% female faculty.

We are making progress, but it is slow and incremental. It is not proceeding in the leaps and bounds that we perceive from our institutions’ press and from our own inherent biases. We are scientists. We consider data before making claims in our research. Let’s do the same elsewhere.

Mentor our people and make sure the best are applying.

In biochemistry, women are selecting out at the faculty application phase. The factors most often cited are family and work-life balance issues. I don’t doubt these are real concerns, but I think there are much deeper issues. We know that there is gender bias. We keep hearing that, as women, we have to work harder, publish more, win more grants, etc. to compete with men – and then we’ll likely get less money for it. Some of us have run up against either implicit or explicit bias, which can make the environment feel hostile. Owing in part to socialization, women negotiate differently – and less – and I suspect that this extends seeking out mentoring.  Oh, and then, there’s impostor syndrome. Mix all this together, and maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that women are stepping off the tenure track. Maybe this should be a wake-up call to mentoring.

But it’s not just prospective applicants that need mentoring. Hiring and promotions committees could use some guidance too. Every one of us, regardless of gender, carry some form of bias. Studies in multiple fields consistently show gender bias in hiring decisions, and the sciences are no exception. It’s important to be aware of our biases so that we can combat them. Departments need to make sure that they are giving equal consideration regardless of gender.

Create a workplace that supports everyone and allows flexibility.

This doesn’t focus on family or on women, and I think it’s all the more important for that reason. Shockingly scientists are people, complete with all the messy, complicated lives of people. Health, family, mental wellness… we all have things that aren’t science that command time and attention. Science is a long, slow process. Allowing flexibility to deal with the rest of life might just keep scientists more engaged and make their science better.

Reclaim the meaning of feminism.

For a long time, I never considered myself a feminist. It wasn’t that the word carried a negative connotation. It just wasn’t exactly part of my vocabulary. It wasn’t until I delved in the blogosphere and Twitterverse that I began to understand what feminism means. And why it matters so much. Feminism is not about quotas and misandry. It’s about equal rights and opportunities. We still have to talk about this because, despite our sense of enlightenment, we simply do not view the same work by a man and woman equally. This needs to change.

And there are even larger disparities to address with regard to underrepresented minorities, who account for less than 5% of full professors at research universities. Some of the issues are different, some may be similar. But if we’re going to address parity, we need to work towards parity for all.

A final note

 

The documentary focuses on gender parity in chemistry in academia. But the issues extend to other fields and sectors. Without serious consideration to these issues, the sciences will continue to lose talent and a major investment of time and money. Institutions should take steps to make their processes and departments more balanced and supportive. Mentors contribute to the environment and should be invested in making sure their best trainees are applying. However, it’s important that mentors don’t overcompensate and (unintentionally) leave women feeling guilty for leaving academia, if that is their ultimate choice. The goal is for scientists, both male and female, to apply for the best position for them and to be given equal consideration, regardless of gender, race, or ethnicity. Like much of science, the process is slow and long, but we just need to keep chipping away at it.

Don’t forget to check out the documentary A Chemical Imbalance.

 

 

 

Posted in barriers, biomedical workforce, career decisions, diversity, women in STEM | 6 Comments